


when i'm ready, i will fly us out of here

by dekimasen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Black Hermione Granger, Dolores Umbridge Being an Asshole, Dolores Umbridge is Her Own Warning, F/F, Female Harry Potter, M/M, Male Hermione Granger, Minor Seamus Finnigan/Dean Thomas, Misgendering, Rule 63, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dekimasen/pseuds/dekimasen
Summary: The staircase is never wrong.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 30
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [displayheartcode](https://archiveofourown.org/users/displayheartcode/gifts).



> have a two-shot, because this idea popped into my head and wouldn't leave me be until i wrote it.  
> title is from "this is home" (or "home") by cavetown, which largely inspired this fic  
> (i was also very inspired by displayheartcode, go read their fics because they're incredibly talented.)

"Headmaster Umbridge would like to speak with you, Mr. Granger," said Professor McGonagall, though she did not look at all happy about saying it.

Hector's eyes grew wide at the same time that Ron dropped his wand on the table.

"What did you  _ do _ ?" Halley stared at him, lifting a hand to push Ron's jaw back into its proper place. Hector's hands gripped his robes tightly. "I.. I don't know."

He stood from his seat, face rather pink as he made his way towards the classroom door. He could hear Draco Malfoy and his goons sniggering even as the door slammed shut behind him.

_ What  _ did  _ I do?  _ Hector ran a hand through his hair anxiously, dishevelling his curls that he'd spent so long that morning trying to tame into a decently presentable style.  _I'm doing well in all my classes, I haven't done anything against the school rules this year yet (it was bound to happen, being friends with Halley and Ron), I'm caught up on all of my classwork, what could it possibly–_

"Hem, hem."

Hector came to a halt in front of the small woman, who was dressed head to toe in pink and staring up at him with a wide, fake smile. "Ah, Miss Granger. So glad you could join me."

He winced. "It's, erm, it's  _ Mister _ , Professor." He corrected, but she turned on her heel and continued down the hall, ignoring him. Now annoyed and fighting the urge to talk back,— _ To a  _ teacher,  _ Hector? Have you gone mad? _ —he hastily followed her.

He was looking self-consciously at his ink-stained fingers when she spoke again, causing him to look up.

They were standing in front of the Gryffindor common room, and Umbridge looked quite irritated. Hector bit back a laugh when she let out an affronted gasp.

"Who  am  I—I am Headmaster of this school! I do not need the password, and you will allow me into the common room this instant!" The fat lady did not look like she wanted to, but she complied with a roll of her eyes. The portrait swung open, and Umbridge's heels clicked against the floor as she strode inside.

"Forgive me, Professor," Hector piped up nervously, "but why are we here? I thought we might be going to Professor Dumbledore—" he caught himself. " _Your_ office ."

The stout woman smiled sweetly as she let out a giggle so high pitched, Hector wondered if she might split her vocal chords on the next exhale.

He could only hope.

"I'd like you to go to your dormitory, Miss Granger." Once again, Hector cringed.

"Er, alright." He headed towards the boys' dormitory stairs, restraining himself from groaning when he was stopped by a loud "hem, hem!"

He turned around, " _Yes_ ,  Professor?"

"Your  _ proper  _ dormitory, Miss Granger." Gryffindor students had begun to file into the common room; class must have ended.

Hector raised a brow. "Pardon?"

Umbridge tilted her head towards the girls' staircase.

_Oh_.  He thought she may be trying to joke, but the sickly sweet smile stayed ever present on her face.

"That.. That isn't my dormitory, Professor. I've been in the boys' dormitory since first year."

She tutted, frowning. "Well that is hardly proper. A  _ girl  _ in the _boys_ ' rooms?"

Hector looked over her shoulder just in time to see Ron fuming, his ears bright red. If he concentrated, Hector was sure the redhead could burn a hole in the back of Umbridge's head with how viciously he was glaring. Just a bit to his left, Halley looked even more irate.

He tugged on the sleeves of his robes. "Professor, I—"

"Up you go." She pointed to the stairs, that horrible smile screwing up her already ugly enough face.

Swallowing hard and with his face feeling like it was on fire, Hector quietly shuffled towards the girls' staircase. He took in a deep breath, looked back at Umbridge's expectant face, and took a couple steps up.

Immediately, the stairs turned into a stone slide and he fell back on his rear.

He grunted at the momentary pain, rubbing his sore elbow. Umbridge did not look pleased.

"Again." She said snippily, Hector's eyes widened. Behind her, Fred, George, Ron and Ginny looked livid. Halley's bottom lip curled, and Ginny looked like she'd be more than happy to let go of her girlfriend's hand and gleefully watch as she murdered their professor.

He stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. "With all due respect, Professor, I can't—"

"Again!" She demanded, blue eyes blazing with fury. As if the staircase's enchantment disagreeing with her opinions was the most unjust thing she'd ever seen.

Hector felt like he might cry. He hadn't felt this horrible since first year when Ron thought he was a know-it-all, or when Malfoy had called him a mudblood and several other horrible names regarding his gender.

Regardless, he pushed himself up and attempted to ascend the stairs again, yielding the same result. He hit his elbow so hard on the floor that his entire arm went numb. This did not get rid of the pain, however, as it shot through his body and caused him to start shaking with the force of how hard he'd hit it. He yelped, tears forcing their way into his eyes despite his efforts to blink them away.

The professor did not appear to notice his struggle. If she did, she didn't care. "Again, Miss Granger."

At this, Ron exploded. "You slimy, awful little—"

"That's quite enough, Mr. Weasley."

Professor McGonagall stepped into the common room, the crowd of students parting quickly to let her through.

"Ah, Minerva. Splendid. I was telling Miss Granger here—"

" Mr.  Granger, Dolores." said McGonagall, her expression unreadable. "I trust you are aware that male students are unable to enter the girls' dormitories?"

Professor Umbridge pulled a face that in any other situation would've been laughable. "Of course, but—"

"Then you must know that forcing Mr. Granger into the girls' rooms is against Hogwarts rules."

She pursed her lips. "Minerva, this student is not—"

"I assure you," McGonagall tilted her head and pressed her lips together until they formed a thin line. "that Mr. Granger is not able to enter the girls' dormitory because the enchantment on the staircase recognises him as male. As should you."

"She should get an award, that one." Said George. "How many people can say that they're dafter than a staircase?" Mused Fred.

McGonagall glared at the twins, but her lips twitched up into a barely there, but still present amused smile.

With an indignant huff, Professor Umbridge turned on her heel and strutted (really  _ strutted _ ) out of the Gryffindor common room.

Hector, still shaking quite a bit from his fall and eyes stinging with unshed tears, pulled himself up into a standing position; albeit clumsily. "T-Thank you, Professor." He spoke quietly, errant corkscrew curls falling in his face. The stoic professor smiled thinly. "You're welcome, Mr. Granger. If your elbow bothers you too much, I suggest you pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey."

He shook his head, about to speak again when Ron and Halley's voices sounded from beside him.

"She's evil, I'm telling you!" Ron frowned, scrunching up his nose. "You say that as if I was disagreeing," muttered Halley.

Ron put an hand on Hector's shoulder. "You alright, mate? She didn't hex you or anything, did you?" "If she did, I'll whack her with my broom." Halley clenched her fists, her glasses sliding down her nose.

"No, she didn't. Just what you saw, really." Hector rubbed his elbow, wincing as a bit of pain went up his arm. Ron's frown deepened. "Bloody hell, that woman's mental. If I could, I'd make her puke slugs for however long it takes to get her to quit." The edges of Hector's mouth twitched upwards. He laughed dryly. "I'd like to see that."

"Y'know, I think you're pretty great," said Ron. "I mean, I think Charlie's nice enough, and she's er.. you know." He gestured vaguely.

Hector understood perfectly. "I know, Ron."

Ron's ears turned pink. "So, Fred and George said they have a plan to get back at Umbridge," he smirked. "I know it's  _ stupid  _ and  _ will definitely get them expelled _ , but if you wanted to hear—"

"Ron?" Hector interrupted, looking up at him through the messy curls that fell over his eyes. "I'd love to. In fact, I'll give them suggestions."

Ron snorted. "You're mad, Granger."

"You're not bad yourself, Weasley."


	2. but strangely he feels at home in this place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred and George have a plan, and naturally, chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> due to popular demand, the second part is here!  
> i didn't expect this little plotbunny to get so much attention, and therefore am very happy to be continuing it.
> 
> "get a load of this monster,  
> he doesn't know how to communicate.  
> his mind is in a different place,  
> will everybody please give him a little bit of space?"

"Puking Pastilles?"

"Too obvious."

"Throw all her cat plates off the balcony?"

"Feels too much like animal cruelty." Hector scrunched up his nose in disapproval.

Fred drummed his fingers against the desk in thought. "We could set a boggart loose in her office."

George grimaced. "Those little buggers bite hard."

"Oh, yeah. Hm.."

"I don't even want to know why you two know that," Hector sighed, running a hand through his unruly curls. "Look, so far we haven't had any good ideas. Why can't we just not play this prank? It's not as if I can't handle a little bigotry."

The room grew silent, apart from Ron's indignant scoffing.

"That woman's barmy, Granger. We've got to do _something_ , 'aven't we?" Seamus piped up, his fingers laced discreetly with Dean's under the table. "I don't want me, or anyone else to be harassed just because she thinks we're freaks too."

Dean flicked him, and his eyes widened.

"I didn't mean—" "Quite alright, Seamus." He reassured. Hector placed his quill back in the inkwell. 

Halley tapped her foot on the floor rather loudly. "I agree. It isn't right for anyone to be treated like that. I mean, she holds a grudge against me just because I told the truth about Cedric." She pushed her glasses up on her nose, leaning further into Ginny. "I dunno what I'd do if that horrible woman hurt you," she mumbled softly into Ginny's shoulder, coaxing a small giggle from the redhead.

"She wouldn't get within two feet of me, I assure you."

This seemed to calm Halley, as she returned her gaze to Hector and the twins, who were arguing about fireworks and the possibility of expulsion. ( _"We can't get expelled if we quit!" "Before you take your NEWTs? Are you two mad?" "Just a bit."_ )

"Breathe, mate," Ron reminded Hector, who was looking considerably more dishevelled after tugging at his tie and fidgeting with his hair out of anxiety. "think of it this way. We can't get expelled if the whole house is in on it; Or at least most of us."

The darker skinned boy raised a brow, and Ron smiled comfortingly. "She can't expel an entire house, can she?"

He chewed his lip. "I suppose not, but I don't want to drag anyone into—"

Ron rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "Bloody _hell_ , for someone so smart you really can be thick sometimes." He gestured to the group of Gryffindors scattered around the Room of Requirement. "You aren't dragging us into anything. We're here because we want to help you."

( _"How come_ _when_ he _calls him stupid it's okay, but if_ I _do it I get hit with a book?" "Because they're in love, Fred, you great git."_ )

The tips of Ron's ears burned red. Hector appeared to have not heard them.

"You're all sure?" He frowned, unsure as his eyes flickered over the room's occupants one more time.

To his surprise, it was Lavender Brown who spoke up. "Of course. House loyalty and all that. Besides, I've been dying to hex Umbridge ever since she confiscated my hair ribbons because they weren't a part of the school uniform." The small blonde huffed, smoothing out her skirt and crossing her left leg over her right.

Fred and George popped up out of their seats at the same time. "Bat-Bogey hexes!" They shouted in unison, grinning wide before turning to give Ginny pleading puppy eyes.

The youngest of the Weasley children rolled her eyes. "If you insist."

The twins cheered and sat on the table, having an animated conversation about several other spells that they could use against the foul professor.

Halley shifted, picking her head up off Ginny's shoulder and taking one of her hands in both of her own. "Gin, I'm definitely coming with you."

Almost defiantly, Ginny shook her head. "I can take care of myself—"

"Oh, I know." Ginny blinked as a pleased grin spread across her girlfriend's face. "I just want to see her face when the hex hits her."

Hector smiled in appreciation, and Ron found that if it made his smile look that wonderful, he'd be sure to avenge him much more often.

"Any ideas in that brilliant mind of yours?" He asked, leaning on a table beside the shorter boy. Hector glanced up at him, then down at the floor.

"Say, Ron," he mused, "do you think you've recovered from the slug incident enough to cast that spell again?"

Ron's eyebrows shot to his hairline. "You're not seriously considering.."

Hector shook his head fervently. "Merlin, _no._ I was just thinking that some slug slime would make Malfoy's foul mouth a little cleaner."

The redhead snickered. "Have I mentioned that you're bloody brilliant?"

"Many times, Ron." 

"Then I'll say it again. You're brilliant. If I'm ever rude to you again—"

"I'll know you've gone back to normal," said Hector, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and joyful laughter bubbling in his chest.

—

"What do you mean you set fire to the Slytherin portrait hole?!" Hector squawked at the twins, who appeared surprisingly sheepish.

It was Fred who piped up first with a carefully crafted excuse. "We didn't _mean_ to set it on fire, y'see," he elbowed George, who looked scandalised, but continued anyway. "We jus' needed a distraction, s'all."

"And _what_ exactly did you two need such a dangerous distraction for?" He demanded shrilly in a tone that was terrifyingly reminiscent of Molly Weasley. 

Fred winced and ducked his head while George twiddled his thumbs and looked anywhere but at Hector.

Crossly, the shorter boy stepped closer and glared at each of the twins. "What did you do?" He asked, sounding dangerously calm despite his angry expression.

Then, both looking up with expert shit-eating grins, they spoke in unison. "We put a boggart in her office, of course."

"You did _what_ —"

A scream erupted from somewhere outside the common room, echoing through the halls. The initial one was followed by more shrieks of terror, coming closer to the portrait just as a group of second years tumbled into the common room.

Hector raised a brow, turning his attention back to the twins who no longer looked smug. "And, pray tell, did you lock her office door behind you?"

" _Oooooh.._ " Fred muttered, pressing his fist into his palm with a look of realisation on his face. " _That's_ what I forgot to do."

His twin groaned. "Another year of howlers and cleaning the toilets. Joy."

The fifth year away from the twins, leaving them to strategize on how they'd get out of detention and returning to Ron, his face buried in his hands.

"This was an awful idea," he bemoaned, letting his legs go weak and falling back onto the plush couch. "why did I let you convince me this was a good idea?" Hector asked, peeking through his fingers at the redhead. Ron, amused, bit back a snort. "If I remember correctly, you were the one who wanted to hear what my brothers had planned. I didn't make you do anything."

Hector hated that he was right.

"There's a boggart on the loose, Ginny hexed the headmaster, Lavender missed her cue chatting with Parvati, I _still_ don't know where Seamus and Dean are—"

"Blood hell Hector, at this rate you'll forget how to breathe." Ron interrupted, sitting down beside him and taking his hand, running his thumb over Hector's knuckles in a soothing gesture. "So it didn't go as planned. No matter! We've still got each other, haven't we? Isn't that what matters most?"

The other boy stared at him blankly, eyes darting down to his bloody fist then back up to his bruised cheek. "You broke Malfoy's nose, didn't you?"

"No, I rearranged his face with my fist. Trust me, he looks much better now." Ron smiled innocently, his freckled nose scrunching up and eyes crinkling at the sides.

Hector sighed, but couldn't bring himself to be mad. He'd been dying to thump Malfoy since second year, but had been holding back for fear of expulsion. "It looks like he got you pretty good too." He frowned, his cold hands ghosting over the bruise blossoming under Ron's skin.

He sighed, moving Hector's hand away. "I'll be fine, mate. Not the first time in my life I've been punched, anyway." 

"That doesn't make me any less concerned! He could have seriously hurt you, and you are a right _idiot_ if you think you'll get away with brawling!" Hector chided, his tone reminding Ron more and more of professor McGonagall. The redhead rolled his eyes, putting a hand over Hector's mouth before he could talk his ear off.

The indignant expression on Hector's face made it hard not to laugh, but Ron kept his composure. "I know I won't get away with it. I only punched him because he called you a..." He trailed off, frowning down at the floor.

Hector was rendered speechless, even without Ron's hand preventing him speaking.

"I can't say. I don't want you to ever think that.. that _word_ could ever be used to describe you. You don't deserve to be called that."

Ron's blue eyes darted up to meet Hector's brown ones, and he slowly removed his hand. "I care about you too much to let you think that."

Hector felt as if he might cry again.

"Ron," he smiled softly. "thank you."

The tips of Ron's ears turned bright red.

"D'you think they know?" Halley wondered aloud, snapping Ginny out of her daydreams. She held her girlfriend closer on her lap, looking around the common room until her eyes landed on her brother and Hector, holding hands and staring at each other like there was no one else in the whole world.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "With how oblivious Ron is? Fat chance." Halley's laugh rang like bells in her ears, and that joyful sound made Ginny fall just a little bit more in love.

"Nah, give them time. They'll come around one day. But for now we just have to watch them dance around each other." The redhead rolled her eyes when she noticed just how red Ron had managed to get.

Halley groaned. "Why can't they just snog already? This is painful."

Ginny snorted. "We were just as bad, love."

The bespectacled girl scrunched her nose up in distaste. "Gross. Remind me to go back in time and snog you sooner."

Ginny rolled her eyes and hooked a finger under Halley's collar, pulling her into a sweet kiss.

The portrait slammed open, eliciting a shriek from the fat lady. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan rushed in, both panting and looking incredibly excited.

"Come on!" Seamus shouted, "Minnie's turned Umbridge into a rat!"

The common room erupted into cheers as several Gryffindors got up and ran out through the portrait, supposedly to find McGonagall standing over a very vocal rat.

Hector's eyebrows shot to his hairline as Ron guffawed. "Well, I wasn't expecting _that_." He admitted, looking back towards Ron, who was still chuckling too much to form a coherent sentence.

Then, Hector said something he never would have agreed with had something like this happened in any of the years before.

"Do you want to go watch?" He asked. "I'm sure the twins will save us a front row seat."

Ron stared at Hector for a moment, taking in every detail of his face. He happened to think Hector Granger.was quite attractive, despite what most people would say. His messy corkscrew curls, slightly large front teeth, fingers and shirt collar always stained with ink,

"More than anything." Ron decided, not noticing that he and Hector were still holding hands as they hurried from the common room. That would be something to discuss at a later time; Right now, they were happy, and that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "get a load of this train wreck,  
> his hair's a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet.  
> but little do we know the stars  
> welcome him with open arms...  
> oh."
> 
> please let me know if you'd like to expand on this au! i'd love to see where some of you can take this <3

**Author's Note:**

> umbridge should have a spot in the archive warnings at this point.
> 
> i won't apologise for my liberal use of italics.


End file.
